Sometimes I wonder, you know, that question about whether God still wants me where he lead me. I'm very much struggling with several issues right now (not, of course, to be described here; fortunately or unfortunately I care about my readers), and although I trusted and still trust him completely about the decisions I've made in regards to my lifestyle, I often find that I want confirmation that I'm going about this the right way.
Someone I know is always pressuring me to be more relational, to focus more on everyday relationships and build new relationships with the people I see everyday. A lot of devotional discussions and preached messages have a lot to do with sharing your faith with the people you know and hardly speak to. Now I know this is valuable, but I wonder whether it applies to me.
Somewhere inside my mind there is a voice telling me that writing is my gift and that I can lay off the draining, shallow relationships for a few deeper ones--being an example, a nice person, a good person--without having to relinquish my ability or willingness to share my faith. I do like sharing my faith, but it is rare indeed that I have a good conversation about it in anything other than writing. People say I'm hard to get to know, that I often look differently than I feel, and that I'm too quiet. I don't understand those thoroughly, but I do think that the little voice knows about this struggle too.
Somehow I don't think it would be such a bad thing to be a quiet person--to let that be my little idiosyncrasy.