Having announced the the folks at Mindsay that I am feeling down and freaked out simultaneously (a phrase which here means "it isn't really that big of a deal" or "if I had taken care of myself in the first place I wouldn't be in such a humiliating position"), I have received a surprising amount of kindness from them. I shouldn't be surprised, I guess; they are part of a community and caring folks to begin with. One day I will buy all of them coffee.
I guess I just don't think it is such a big deal. I've had these feelings before; I just haven't been able to express them with tears or blowing up at people. It is very odd. Everybody has these times and I am nobody special for being in a hard spot.
I just need more espresso, that is all . . . Seriously, though.
Several eye-openers and bubble baths later, I am still feeling gross and out of place. I can't wait for my routine of classes and housework to begin again and can't seem to get the point across to my family that routine is very important to my sanity. Should it be? Is this a symptom of my oddity? Is it a fault that I should work on ironing out? I don't know. Can't tell. It seems to be very WRONG right now.
What to do to get me out of this stupid funk? Not another bubble bath. Coffee alone is useless. Writing helps but is not solely helpFUL. Reading, the same. Talking is practically useless. Going to the gym and communing with the bicycle machines helped a bit one day, but wasn't sure whether I was doing it correctly and there was only one machine that I could use and not lose toes on.
Roight. I had better go do something for somebody else. That never fails to make me feel better. Except yesterday . . .